Confession: I Am Not a “Good” Traveler

I have a confession to make: I am not a good traveler. If you scroll through my blog or my social media feeds, you would think I was as seasoned as a well-worn map. But in truth, I have every quality that makes travel challenging: a propensity for flight anxiety, difficulty dealing with the unknown, and a terrible sense of direction. My childhood friends Chiamaka and Kelsey will tell you that on our first girls trip together in 2023, I made them research for hours on what to do during our four days in New Orleans. 

This summer, I spent one week in Dublin, Ireland before jetting off to Poland. On a day tour from Dublin, Ireland to Belfast, I thought I had ventured just a few blocks from our bus station, but somehow, I ended up on the other side of the town square, panting for breath as I asked passersby for directions. I hadn’t realized that my Google Maps wouldn’t work because I only had phone data for Ireland, and not for my hour in the UK. Needless to say, I missed my tour bus.

I fall in love with random cabbies and people on trains with the fever of an adolescent, only to be promptly ghosted before our story even began. I get sick in cold weather (and by cold, I mean everywhere below 60 degrees F), due to my California upbringing. 

But it’s these same ill-regarded traits that make me not well-suited for the travel life, which makes me a spectacular solo traveler. To counterbalance my flaws, I have one redeeming quality: my curiosity for people. And it’s this curiosity that will always allow me to forget the social anxiety I’ve carried with me since I was a girl. Because when it comes to listening to my inner tyrant or collecting stories to make my 10 year old and 80 year old selves proud, I always let the latter win. 

It’s this curiosity that’s led me to make many friends on my various solo trips. When I’m alone, I have no choice but to trust myself. And it turns out, I have pretty good judgment when I allow myself to be guided by her. I’ve made many friends by complimenting their outfit or asking them about their country. After all, everyone loves a captive audience, especially when I half-jokingly tell them they might be featured in one of my articles. 

Though I’ve had a lot of success with making friends, it was never intentional. I got lucky by connecting with people at random, on walking tours, or through mutual friends. But before I arrived in Dublin, I decided to be more intentional about my connections. With so many online apps and communities designed to connect us, I wanted to test several out and write about my experiences. Maybe I would help other solo travelers, or at the very least, I would have a fun story for my memoir. Here’s how the first social experiment went:

Testing Girl Gone International, Dublin: How I Hosted a Solo Traveler Dinner

A few weeks before my trip, I redownloaded Facebook and searched for Girl Gone International, Dublin. I was familiar with the group, which hosts events for expat women in most major cities. Overall, I’ve found most groups to be pretty flaky. They’re geared towards locals who recently moved or want to expand their friendships in the area. Most don’t want to meet a traveler just passing by on holiday. And I get it. Between work, my writing, friends, and countless hobbies, I don’t have the time or emotional capacity to hang out with random tourists back home. But instead of posting if anyone wants to hang out while I’m in town, I decided to bring a different energy. Instead, I declared what I was doing:

The responses came flooding in, but like most things in life, it’s best to go in without expectations. I’m so comfortable in my own energy that I honestly would have been fine if nobody showed up. I think it’s because I came in with an energy of detachment that the universe provided in droves–over 20 ladies commented! 

I created a WhatsApp group chat for people who said they were interested in meeting, and then crickets ensued. I sent out a message a few days before asking people for suggestions on where to meet. After all, they had a much clearer idea of where to go in Dublin. Still, silence ensued.

Then a couple of hours before the dinner while wandering in St Stephens Green Park, the texts started pouring in. The group chat was suddenly flooded with, “Where are we meeting?” and “What’s happening?” I suggested that we meet at O’Neils Pub and Kitchen, after getting a recommendation to go there from my walking tour guide. 

And so what started out as a table for one quickly transformed into nine of us. That night, I felt brave, bold, and sexy. I told the ladies about how I use solo travel as my exposure therapy for social anxiety. They could not believe that I used to be painfully shy. And on that night, surrounded by empowered, beautiful women from all over the world, I couldn’t believe it either. 

Since there were nine of us, the group split up subconsciously by age, with 20-somethings on one side and 30-somethings on the other. On my side of the table, we represented India, Switzerland, Croatia, Brazil, and of course, California. I especially enjoyed connecting with Laura, a lovely woman from Switzerland who just started dancing bachata. I loved that she is in a long-term relationship and still takes solo trips to connect with herself.

By the end of the night, the women in their 30s had left, and at the ripe old age of 35, found myself on the other side of the table with the early 20s crowd. And yes, I absolutely went out dancing in Temple Bar, at a club called Bad Bobs, as the only 30-something in the group. With exactly zero Irish people and the DJ spinning American top 40s, it didn’t exactly feel like a quintessential Irish night out. There’s a reason why locals tend to stay away from the Temple Bar neighborhood. It felt like I could have been transported to any club in Singapore, Lisbon, or New York City. Was it cheesy? Yes. But did I have an amazing night dancing my ass off with women from all over the world? Fuck yes.

Oh, and remember Laura? I ended up meeting up with her a second time at MV Cill Airne, a bar/boat in the Dublin Docklands area.

From left to right: My night out in Temple Bar and hanging out with Laura in Dublin Docklands, a beautiful area along River Liffey not well-known by tourists

Is Girl Gone International Worth It for Solo Travelers? My Honest Review

My verdict is that Girl Gone International is worth utilizing if you take the reins on connection and host your own event. If some people are flaky, there’s a high chance that at least one person will show up. Though I haven’t used it in my home city, I think it can be a great option to make new friends as an expat—or a local who wants to feel like they’re travelling without leaving home.

Hosting through Girl Gone International reminded me that when I step up, create the space, and drop the expectations, the world tends to mirror my energy.

Ironically, traveling alone has led me to deeper connections with myself, others, and the world. The peace and self-acceptance I’ve found in my own company are precisely what allow me to connect with strangers in crowded pubs halfway across the globe.

I may never be a “good” traveler. My journeys will likely always continue to be everything I fear: chaotic, unpredictable, and a little bit messy. But as long as my curiosity stays bigger than my fear, I know I’ll always have a friend on the road.

Have you ever used Girl Gone International at home or while travelling? I’d love to learn about your experiences in the comments below!

XOXO,
Chelsia,
Your Imperfect Solo Traveler